GETTING UNSTUCK

Posted under Uncategorized on February 22nd, 2008 by with no responses 

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Whether trapped in traffic or stalled in a slow-moving grocery line, we hate to feel stuck. Yet, as much as we despise it, we can stomach an extra hour on the commute home or ten additional minutes at the supermarket. What really causes us stress is the feeling of our entire life being stuck—either personally or professionally. Perhaps a relationship we had hoped would takeoff begins to sputter. Or maybe a promising career path hits a roadblock. Whatever the case, we all go through times when our progress is thwarted, and we can’t seem to get back on track. When life’s motion ceases, life’s emotions hit with full force. Fear, frustration, and discouragement lodge themselves in our insides.

Take a moment to put yourself in the following scenarios. Monitor you feelings as you read. What emotions surface?

Scenario #1

You’re a small child playing outdoors with a group of friends on a wintry day. One of your friends challenges you to put your tongue on flagpole. “No way,” you say. After all, you’ve heard horror stories about what might happen. “Chicken!” “Scaredy Cat!” “Sissy!” The taunts of your peers come tumbling at you, one after another. Under the barrage of insults, your resolve weakens. Finally, the coolest kid in class pushes you over the edge with his challenge, “I double-dog dare you!” Left without a route of escape, you summon the courage to put your tongue on the icy flagpole, and…it freezes solid. You’re stuck!

Scenario #2

You’re having a nightmare. In your dream, you’re being chased through dark streets by henchmen in ski masks. Sprinting full speed, you make a series of sharp turns through alleys and side streets to elude them. Out of breath, you crouch behind a trash compactor and look down the abandoned street for your pursuers. At first, no one is in sight, but as you peer into the blackness you make out the shapes of the thugs coming toward you. Hiding in the shadows, you pray they won’t see you. Closer and closer the henchmen get until they are a few feet away. Thankfully, they pass by without noticing you. That is, until you shift your weight and accidentally kick a bottle. Startled by the noise, the bad guys wheel around and spy your hideout. Shouting threats, they rush toward you. You try to run away, but you’re frozen! It’s as if your feet have taken root in the pavement. The masked men are racing toward you, but you’re legs won’t work! You’re stuck!

CRISIS

Like a panicked child whose tongue is on the flagpole, being stuck brings a flood of frightful questions to mind. “Will I ever break free? Am I doomed to stay in this spot forever? How did I end up here?”

Life’s standstills generate fear inside of us. They are much like the dream in which we feel cornered, paralyzed, and unable to escape. Depending on the situation, we may fear insignificance, unmet desires, or financial shortfall. In response to fear, we freeze. When dealing the shock of being stuck, we’re unable to make changes.

We use the phrase “mid-life crisis” for a reason. When we find ourselves growing older and not getting nearer to our career goals, we experience unnerving emotions of alarm. The intensity of emotion mirrors the feelings we might expect in an emergency.

GETTING UNSTUCK

As agonizing as life’s standstills may be, the experience of being stuck may have its advantages. That’s the hopeful message from Dr. Timothy Butler of Harvard Business School, author of Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths. In an interview about his book, Dr. Butler casts light on two benefits of being stuck—an experience he refers to as impasse.

First, impasse may serve as a catalyst for change. Second, impasse leads us into greater insight about ourselves. In both cases, being stuck navigates us to a better position on life’s journey.

CRISIS OR CATALYST?

Like the frustration of sitting in traffic, an impasse can be exasperating. It may seem like no matter what we try to tweak, nothing produces a result. After exhausting our willpower, we are left feeling helpless, hopeless, and defeated.

Surprisingly, a rock-bottom emotional experience may be the perfect ingredient to inspire change. As is famously quoted, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” In reaching the breaking point, we are pushed to open ourselves to possibilities which we may have never considered otherwise. In the words of Dr. Butler, “The meaning of an impasse, although it’s usually first expressed as a failure or in an internalized notion of inadequacy, is a request for us to change our way of thinking about ourselves and our place in the world.” Forced to discard our existing mental map of the world, we construct a fresh perspective.

CRISIS OR COUNSELOR?

When life stagnates, we turn inward and question ourselves, asking “Why am I not happy? How did I end up so far from where I want to be? What am I doing wrong?”

A crisis season of soul-searching counsels us about our desires and dreams; flaws and failures; likes and dislikes. During these times, we undergo a renewing process of self-discovery. “Each impasse is an opportunity to look a little deeper and understand better what works for us,” writes Butler. “The more we know ourselves, the less we are thrown by the next impasse.” By putting us in touch with our core beliefs and habits of personal behavior, being stuck actually serves as an enlightening experience.

For Dr. Timothy Butler’s insights on seasons of impasse, visit Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge webpage

 

COMPROMISE
“Compromise, if not the spice of life, is its solidity. It is what makes nations great and marriages happy.”
~ Phyllis McGinley

“People talk about the middle of the road as though it were unacceptable. Actually, all human problems, excepting morals, come into the gray areas. Things are not all black and white. There have to be compromises. The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters.”
~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Unless both sides win, no agreement can be permanent.”
~ Jimmy Carter

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